


What's in a hug?

by GreenDrinkGoddess



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied Neglect, One Shot, and her thoughts, but nothing specific, just olivia, or explicit, with a glass of wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:09:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenDrinkGoddess/pseuds/GreenDrinkGoddess
Summary: Prompt from Tumblr - 'Can you forget how a hug feels like?'Olivia has too much wine and remembers some things.
Kudos: 3





	What's in a hug?

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betad but who doesn't love the rough and ready approach?

Physical affection had never been a thing for Olivia. Over the years as the unit consumed the hours, days, months of her life, the search for a relationship and someone to share it all with became just another thought that needed to be forgotten at the bottom of a wine bottle. On this particular night, as the rain battered against the windows and the wind whistled down the streets from the Hudson, Olivia wrapped herself beneath her sheep’s wool blanket and clutched the half full glass of wine. She had stopped watching the cookery show long ago, lost in a haze of wine, insomnia and empty thoughts.

She recalled the years spent in her mother’s flat, tidying away glasses, bottles and takeaway cartons, wrapping her mother up in blankets not dissimilar to this one. She remembered picking up her mother’s books, piling them up on the shelves and tables to ensure they didn’t cause a fall when Serena inevitably woke up in the small hours. She remembered placing a kiss on her mother’s uncreased forehead, the only time she saw her without a frown, pulling the blanket tight before taking herself to bed. No older then twelve.

And as that twelve year old lay awake, an ear always open for the thud and scrabble, the light switch and toilet flush, she dreamed of a goodnight kiss, a hug when she came home from school or a soft hand when she had fallen off the swings.

Olivia drank the last of the wine in her glass. It’s only effect now was to worsen the headache that had taken residence behind her eyes. She closed them, hoping the darkness would grant a momentary reprise, only to find herself face to face with Stuart, her mother’s student and the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. As they sat on his threadbare sofa, a record scratching in the back round and the haze of a joint surrounding them, she felt him draw closer and his hand approach her shoulder. She let it land there, stroking as he drew nearer, his breath now hitting her neck. She knew this was what she wanted. She had been dating Stuart for a couple of months and she thought she loved him. If nothing else, it would piss off her mother. But still, as he kissed her, moved his hands beneath her top, she couldn’t shake off a feeling of discomfort. She didn’t know how to react, how to feel, how to enjoy another person’s touch.

After they had finished she lay on the sofa, the ghost of his touches reliving themselves across her body. She had enjoyed it, enjoyed him, but somehow she still felt odd. Every boyfriend after that she hadn’t been able to shake off that feeling. The feeling that someone else’s hands on her felt odd.

She knew this explained a lot of why she didn’t enjoy dating. Why would she meet someone, get to know them if she knew that any time they kissed her or even hugged her she wouldn’t enjoy it. It was much easier to get lost at work, use the long hours and difficult cases as an excuse. Everyone would understand that. Even the few times Elliot had pulled her close there had been a brief pause, a feeling of calm and security until it fell away and the discomfort reared it’s ugly head.

Olivia opened her eyes and threw the blanket off. She switched off the television and tidied away the dinner plates. As she loaded the dishwasher a sleepy-eyed Noah stumbled in, rubbing his nose and yawning. Olivia smiled and knelt down so she was level with him. She cupped his cheek before embracing him in a tight hug. No matter what happened, she promised herself, her son would always know what it felt like to be hugged by her.


End file.
